


Conflicted

by GlitchyPix



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Relationship Issues, There are minor mentions of blood because this is Kevin we're talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 22:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16416812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitchyPix/pseuds/GlitchyPix
Summary: "Kevin? You ok?""...No,"Kevin's new relationship new relationship with Charles is becoming complicated. He loves Charles himself but he's not too keen on Donovan so what does he do? Does he leave Charles because of the kid and make Charles and, by extension, himself upset or does he stick around and make himself miserable trying to raise a kid he didn't want to be stuck with. Now, what do you do when you're having some issues with a new relationship? You ask that friend you made three years ago who ditched you in a desert hellscape! Don't worried though, he's married and he probably knows more than you do about this sort of thing. Yeah, that's why you're calling him, nothing at all to do with the fact that you've been wanting to mend that friendship for a while now.





	Conflicted

**Author's Note:**

> This story was meant to be, like, 1000 words but I looked away for one second and suddenly there were 3000 words. Anywho, this story was originally posted by me on Amino and I'm reposting it here because why not.

He's been staring at the screen for five minutes now.

Kevin had to admit, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so...what even was this feeling? It wasn't happy but he wasn't sad either nor was he angry or worried. It was kinda like confusion only it didn't feel quite right to say he was confused. He'd been pondering this feeling for a few minutes because he didn't really want to start the conversation, say 'I don't know how I'm feeling' and make the conversation awkward. It'd been three years since they last spoke, he didn't want to make things awkward and he certainly didn't want the other to hang up before he could start talking.

Three years is a long time to go without talking to a supposed friend after all.

Another five minutes were spent on contemplating emotions before Kevin gave up and decided to call anyways. Carlos would understand, right? He felt more than Kevin did, he'd know what this was, right? Plus, he was a married man, he'd at least be able to understand the relationship aspect Kevin wanted to mention and that was the point, right? Kevin was calling because he didn't know what he wanted to do with his relationship with Charles. He wanted advice from a person who he knew he could trust to give him a helpful answer. That was it, he just wanted advice. So, with that, he pressed the call button.

The phone ringed five times before Kevin, disappointingly, was sent to Carlos's voicemail. Kevin contemplated recording a voicemail, letting Carlos hear his issue and call him back or if he should just try calling again. Both options had their faults, the voicemail would let Kevin stew in his own thoughts for a while before Carlos actually called back, if Carlos called back at all and Kevin didn't really need that. Meanwhile, calling again would make Kevin seem pushy and desperate and he hadn't talked to Carlos in three years so he didn't really want to make a bad impression. He didn't know why he felt this way though, he was only asking for advice, that was all he needed. It was only after that thought popped in his head that Kevin realised he'd missed the beep and he was basically leaving a silent voicemail. He kept the phone to his ear for a moment, wondering if he should actually leave some kind of message. He let out a small, confused whimper before opening his mouth to speak before his phone decided to stop the message for him. Sometimes did that, they stopped voicemails or they won't even send them out sometimes out of pity and realising their owners were kind of pathetic. It was a nice gesture if you realised you were rambling to an ex or doing something really dumb but not so much when you actually wanted to send a message so Kevin wasn't going to thank his phone for that one.

Settling down on his couch, he looked at his phone, wondering maybe it's for the best that Carlos didn't get his message. He was probably busy with Cecil and Kevin didn't want to bother him if that was the case. Maybe he was working, Carlos had been devastated when he lost all his research the last time Kevin saw him and Kevin definitely didn't want to make Carlos lose progress on his work again. He'd left Kevin by himself last time someone did that and that someone wasn't even Kevin that time. Maybe Carlos just doesn't want to talk anymore. And that would be fine, Kevin had other friends he could talk to like Lauren. Ok, maybe not Lauren but he had friends and that was the point. He doesn't need to talk to Carlos if he wants advice, he can always ask someone else. He doesn't need to talk to Carlos ever again. Kevin could feel familiar hot droplets roll down his cheeks again as they had all those years ago.

Why was he crying?

Kevin wiped away those warm tears with the back of his hand, a soft sniffle coming out as he did. Kevin didn't have any tissues, he didn't cry at all and colds didn't really exist when you lived in a desert where it's hot (they're called colds for a reason) and so his bloody hand had to do. He eventually stopped leaking tears but he was shaky and he wasn't too keen on talking in case his voice was just as jittery. Of course, that was when the phone rang, almost as if trying to mock him for his feelings. Stupid phone. Checking the phone itself, the person calling was Carlos.

Of course it was. Kevin picked up.

"Hello?"

Kevin opened his mouth, unable to say a word and a little scared to try. He hadn't heard that voice in three years and it was nice to hear it again. It brought back memories of when Carlos had actually been friends with Kevin, if only for the briefest of times.

"Excuse me, is anyone there?"

And Carlos apparently had deleted Kevin's number from his phone. Well, that stings a little but that's ok, it was probably cluttering his phone and it wasn't really needed, after all, they don't anymore. Why would Carlos keep Kevin's number?

"Look, if no one's going to answer, I'm going to hang up,"

Kevin was quiet, he almost wanted Carlos to hang up. He was still shaky, his voice probably wasn't it's best at the moment. He can call Carlos later, he has his number/ Then again, Carlos could still block him. Ok then, he doesn't need Carlos, he can talk to his other friend. He's fine, he should just let Carlos hang up and let him go. It's been three years, he probably doesn't want to talk to him anymore. Just let him hang up.

"Hi-Hi Carlos,"

Or don't, that's good too.

"Kevin?" Carlos's tone was unreadable.

"That's me! Hi, again," Kevin's voice was, indeed, shaky. He also had no idea what he wanted to say so that was helpful.

"Hey, how are you?"

Ok, well, if you're going to be talking to him, how about having a normal conversation?

"I don't know,"

He wasn't actually asking Kevin, you're just supposed to say 'good'.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Carlos sounded slightly concerned. That was nice, he didn't hate Kevin then.

"I'm just feeling things that aren't happy but I don't know what they are and so I don't know how I'm really doing," Kevin replied, slowly losing the quake in his voice.

"Oh. You want me to help you with that?" Carlos wanted to help, he definitely didn't hate him. For some reason, that thought filled Kevin with relief

"If your not busy, that'd be nice. I'm not getting in the way of anything, am I?"

"Nah, I finished work an hour ago and Cecil's finishing up some stuff at the station so he'll be home a bit later than usual,"

"Congratulations on you two being married by the way. I never actually got to say that in person, just on a tape with Lauren so I'm just saying that now,"

"Thanks, I guess,"

There was an awkward pause after that, one that Kevin wasn't too sure how to fill exactly. Was he supposed to respond? How exactly? Also, what was the 'I guess' supposed to mean, was Carlos not happy to be congratulated by him? If so, why? Is it something to do with Kevin or-

"So, about those feelings your dealing with?" Carlos continued with an awkward cough

He can focus on that 'I guess' bit later.

"Right, I'm feeling something I don't understand,"

"Well, what's making you feel those things and why? Just a heads up, I'm not the best with feelings and such. Emotions aren't exactly the most stable thing and I can't measure them so much as I can observe them and so I don't understand them so much,"

Does he want to help? He can hang up if he wants, he realises that, right?

"A person is making me feel those feelings. His name is Charles and we recently started dating," Kevin started off. He felt almost giddy when thinking of Charles, his chest felt warm and light. But then he thought about Charles's son, Donovan, and his chest suddenly felt like cold lead. What was this emotion, this sudden shift?

"Oh, that's sweet or it would be if he were making you happy. You said you weren't feeling happy because of him? Why's that?"

"It's not him exactly, Charles is great. He's sweet and kind and made me feel joy- actual joy. He's the first person to make me feel actually happy since I don't know when I thought a relationship with him could work but..."

"But?"

"He has a kid. He has a five-year-old son named Donovan and...this sounds bad but I'm not too good with children. I never had any younger siblings when I was a child and I've always just been uninterested in the thought of having one or raising one," Kevin sighed, hoping Carlos would understand that Kevin didn't anticipate Charles expecting him to help raise a kid. Or maybe Carlos would think he was selfish and rude for not wanting to do this. Oh God, he hoped it wasn't the latter. He doesn't know much disappointment he can really stand and Charles's voicemail wasn't helping and-

"You're conflicted,"

"Hm?"

"Kevin, you're conflicted on whether you want to invest in this relationship. You do genuinely like this man, Charles, but you don't believe you're ready to raise his son. Am I correct with my hypothesis or not?" It was nice to know Carlos was actually paying attention to the conversation and not dozing off to think about something else. Kevin was grateful for that since he wasn't very good at it, clearly.

"I think you're right but what do I do about it?"

"Discuss it with Charles. Relationships are based on communication, you need to talk to him about how you're not good with children and how you don't want to be put into a position where you have to raise a child. Children are a big responsibility, I'm sure Charles will understand,"

"But he can't just abandon his kid, he really loves Donovan,"

Carlos sighed but it didn't sound like an annoyed sigh or a mean sigh that was trying to say that Kevin for not understanding a simple concept. It was a soft sigh like he was trying to say something that might hurt Kevin. Kevin braced himself.

"If you cannot come to a compromise then, I'm really to say this Kevin but maybe you two just aren't compatible,"

"What do you mean by compatible,"

"Maybe you two aren't fit for a relationship,"

The line went silent as Kevin tried desperately to keep his emotions in check. He tried thinking of good things, of the smiling God and all his glory and how he was good because followed he smiling God to the best of his ability and he didn't cry. The smiling God doesn't like people who cry, the smiling God despises people who cry because people who cry aren't happy and-

"Kevin? You ok?"

"...No,"

With that, a floodgate broke and tears trickled down from hollow eyes. He didn't want to think that maybe he and Charles weren't cut out for a relationship. It'd been so long since he'd felt so happy, how long would he have to wait again? Kevin realised this was unreasonable, that he'd be forcing his happiness if he forced himself to parent a child he had no interest in parenting but he wanted so desperately for Charles and him to work out, he wanted to be happy. Kevin realised he must've seemed like a sobbing mess to Carlos at this moment but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Kevin, it's alright, there are other fish in the- ok, we live in a desert so maybe the sea isn't the best metaphor to use here. Uh, there are always other cacti in the sand waste?" Carlos was trying to salvage the situation, clearly but Kevin wasn't exactly feeling any better. Carlos did hit the nail on the head though but then there was the voicemail

"Carlos, it's not even just that. I mean, that's a pretty big thing but that's something else,"

"Then what is it?"

"Charles sent me a voicemail. I was avoiding him because of Donovan and he caught on and he wanted me to tell him if I wanted to break it off because of Donovan,"

"Alright, then what's the problem?"

"It was the way he phrased it! He told me that, whether I told him or not, he'd still be upset and bitter and angry, he'd just be less so if I told him. There's a part of me that just really hates the thought of Charles being angry with me, I don't want to end our relationship because of Donovan when I know, one day, we could see each other from across the street and he might glare at me because I didn't want to keep seeing him because he had a child," That line always stung when Kevin listened back on those voicemails. Charles sounded angry, not very but enough to show through his tone and Kevin hated that tone.

"Kevin, messy breakups are just something you'll have to go through. Sure, it's going to be difficult but you can't just stay in a bad relationship because you're scared that-"

"There's also a part of me that just doesn't want him to be upset,"

Carlos was silent, prompting Kevin to continue.

"I don't want Charles to be hurt because of me. He's a single parent, his dating life is going to be difficult simply because he's already taking care of a five-year-old boy. I don't want to end my relationship with him when I know that it's likely going to be hard for him to find another one,"

That tone Charles used sounded angry but, when Kevin listened back over, he paid attention to the words and he realised that Charles is going to find dating difficult because not everyone wants to date someone who's a parent. Maybe they're like Kevin and they just aren't suited to handle children or maybe they just think dating a parent is weird. Either way, Charles is probably going to hear excuses like Kevin's a lot if he hasn't already heard them before. He probably has heard them before, he's probably been hurt quite a bit because of this actually. Kevin didn't want to add to that, not when he knows he cares for him, maybe even loves him.

"Kevin, that's very noble of you. Noble and sweet but you can't force yourself to keep up a relationship if you know it's going to make you unhappy. You don't want kids and being straddled with one because you love the parent and feel sorry for him is likely going to make you miserable,"

"I know," Kevin sniffled again, wiping the back of his hand against a stray tear. "Thanks, Carlos, I'll talk to Charles about this tomorrow,"

"I'm glad I could help but I'm a little curious,"

"About what?"

"Why ask me? You live in a large community with a lot of people who all care about you to some extent. You have friends, don't you?"

Kevin's heart sank a little.

"I mean, couldn't I count you as an old friend?" Kevin almost didn't want to hear Carlos's reaction to that.

"Oh, you still..." Carlos's tone was, once again, unreadable.

"You don't, do you," 

The line was silent and Kevin's heart sank completely. He didn't know why this was so upsetting, Carlos was a person he hadn't seen in three years, he had no obligation to still see Kevin as a friend. Three years is a long time, after all, Carlos had every right to move on. Kevin has other friends, he has a whole community of them. Carlos didn't need to be his friend, he could let him go after this phone call and never call again.

Yep, he was going to delete Carlos's phone number right after this call.

Yes, he was.

...

No, he wasn't

Who was he kidding, he'd been so self-conscious of how Carlos would see him if he tried calling, a self-consciousness that didn't leave even as he actually called the scientist. Kevin wasn't just calling Carlos because he was married and knew a thing about relationships, he was calling because he wanted to maybe be friends with Carlos once again. He wanted to restart something that gave him the slightest sliver of happiness before, an honest to God friendship.

It was funny to think how Carlos had identified his conflicting feelings towards Charles and his son Donovan because it's becoming rather clear to Kevin that he had just as many conflicting feelings towards calling Carlos.

"Kevin, you still there?"

"Yep,"

"You really called me because you thought we were friends?"

"...I think I called you because I wanted us to be friends,"

"I mean, if you really want to be friends then we can be friends,"

Kevin perked up almost instantly.

"Really?"

"Really. I'm sorry that I just kind of abandoned you in that desert otherworld, I mean, I'm glad you went and made it your own but I just left without a warning and then didn't say a word to you afterwards. I apologise, that was mean and I shouldn't have done it,"

"It's ok. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable while you were here. I'm not exactly sure what I did, I didn't know why you left and the letter you left behind didn't explain anything but I'm sorry if I actually did do something without realising,"

"It's fine. Anyway, Cecil's just come in and he's looking at me and tilting his head and that either means he's curious about who I'm talking to or station management tried to snap his neck again,"

"That sounds...nice?"

"Painful Kevin, snapping other people's necks is painful. Also deadly, don't snap people's necks,"

"Sorry,"

"It's ok. I've got to go though so I'll text you later, alright?"

"Alright, bye Carlos!"

"Bye Kevin,"

And with that, Carlos hang up. Kevin stared at his phone, a genuine smile on his face and a joyous feeling within his heart. He went into that conversation, expecting for Carlos to either hang up immediately or to just help with the Charles situation and, instead, he regained a friend. He looked at his other contacts and looked down at a name that lay just beneath Carlos's name. Tapping on the name and then the call button, he pressed his phone up against his ear once more.  
"Hey, Charles. Do you want to meet up somewhere? I think we need to talk..."

**Author's Note:**

> You know, I originally had plans for Carlos to mention a past relationship he was in where the other party had a kid that he ended because he himself wasn't ready to raise a child but the story was getting too long and I didn't know where to put it. I can write it out though. This would probably come between the end of Kevin's issues with Charles and just before Carlos asked Kevin why he called him.
> 
> ...
> 
> "Carlos, I'm a little curious on why you know so much about this kind of thing. Does Cecil have a kid?"
> 
> "No but I was in a relationship with a man who did have a child before I came to Night Vale. Obviously, it didn't work out and for a similar reason as you actually. I wasn't ready to raise children at that point and I didn't think it'd be wise to help a man raise a child when I wasn't ready,"
> 
> Kevin wasn't expecting that honestly. Actually, Kevin didn't think much about Carlos's romantic life other than his marriage to Cecil, he didn't know what he'd expect if he actually asked Carlos about who he had dated before Cecil came along. He probably wasn't expecting him to have been in a similar situation though, that was for sure. However, it did mean Carlos was probably the best help he could get so calling him was really in his best interest. Well, ok, he didn't know Carlos had a boyfriend with a kid but maybe the smiling god had planned this for him! 
> 
> "Anyways, I was a little curious of something myself,"
> 
> "What is it?"
> 
> "Why ask me? You live in a large community with a lot of people who all care about you to some extent. You have friends, don't you?" 
> 
> ...


End file.
